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Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. - Alan Dundes Quotes
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.
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The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. - Albert Einstein Quotes
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip Quotes
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
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When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it. - Clarence Darrow Quotes
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'
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As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
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You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. - Winston Churchill Quotes
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
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Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house. - Lewis Grizzard Quotes
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
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Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason. - Mark Twain Quotes
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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A day without laughter is a day wasted. - Charlie Chaplin Quotes
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. - Dalai Lama Quotes
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. - John F. Kennedy Quotes
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
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Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles M. Schulz Quotes
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
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There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
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How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.
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We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubble gum. - Roddy Piper Quotes
I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubble gum.
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People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. - A. A. Milne Quotes
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
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If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.
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If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed. - Mark Twain Quotes
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
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Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple
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The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?'
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese - Steven Wright Quotes
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.
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Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. - Dr. Seuss Quotes
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
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Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. - Harry Emerson Fosdick Quotes
Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.
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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. - Abraham Lincoln Quotes
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
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Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink. - Ellen DeGeneres Quotes
Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.
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The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. - Abraham Lincoln Quotes
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
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The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. - Al McGuire Quotes
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection - Drake Quotes
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection
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Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde Quotes
Women are made to be loved, not understood.
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