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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. - George Carlin Quotes
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. - George Carlin Quotes
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. - George Carlin Quotes
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. - George Carlin Quotes
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin Quotes
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin Quotes
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin Quotes
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. - George Carlin Quotes
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own, and control the corporations. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear.
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Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? We have the war on crime, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? You know why? Because there's no money in that problem. No money to be made off of the homeless. If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick!
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. - George Carlin Quotes
Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. - George Carlin Quotes
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. - George Carlin Quotes
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. - George Carlin Quotes
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole. - George Carlin Quotes
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Probably far more. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless taped and filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over the world, along with documented radar evidence seen by experienced military and civilian radar operators.>>.
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A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street.
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Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. If the parent corporation doesn't want you to know something, it won't be on the news. Period. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up.
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People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. 'Cause pretty soon they have little hats. And armbands. And fight songs. And a list of people they're going to visit at 3am. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. - George Carlin Quotes
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
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To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope. - George Carlin Quotes
To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope.
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