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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. - Groucho Marx Quotes
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. - Frank Zappa Quotes
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
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I can fluently speak five languages: English, emoji, sexting, sarcasm and sass. - Tyler Oakley Quotes
I can fluently speak five languages: English, emoji, sexting, sarcasm and sass.
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All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow. - Evan Esar Quotes
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.
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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
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People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy... and I keep it in a jar on my desk.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement. - Fred Allen Quotes
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made. - Otto von Bismarck Quotes
Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.
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Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. - Steven Wright Quotes
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
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Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. - Mark Twain Quotes
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
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I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. - Ashleigh Brilliant Quotes
I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
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A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. - Burt Bacharach Quotes
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire. - George Carlin Quotes
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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The clear problem of the outlawing of insult is that too many things can be interpreted as such. Criticism, ridicule, sarcasm, merely stating an alternative point of view to the orthodoxy, can be interpreted as insult.
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All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. - George Orwell Quotes
All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
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I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
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Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have attempted to tinge it with romanticism, which produces much the same effect as if you worked a love-story or an elopement into the fifth proposition of Euclid.
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How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat? - Roger Waters Quotes
How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
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My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.
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The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering! - Ashleigh Brilliant Quotes
The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!
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Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. - George Bernard Shaw Quotes
Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
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The best way to sell yourself to others is first to sell the others to yourself. Check yourself against this list of obstacles to a pleasing personality: interrupting others; sarcasm; vanity; being a poor listener; insincere flattery; finding fault; challenging others without good cause; giving unsolicited advice; complaining; attitude of superiority; envy of others' success; poor posture and dress.
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When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper. - Andy Rooney Quotes
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
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Somebody says, 'Do a Tom Bodett, a folksy kind of thing,' and it sounds like something out of 'Hee Haw,' very insulting. They turn wry humor into disparaging sarcasm, and you get what amounts to insulting advertising.
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Satirists gain the applause of others through fear, not through love. - William Hazlitt Quotes
Satirists gain the applause of others through fear, not through love.
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The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.
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He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. - Forrest Tucker Quotes
He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
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This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic. - Lorrie Moore Quotes
This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.
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Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden. - Orson Scott Card Quotes
Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden.
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What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds. - Will Rogers Quotes
What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
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As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't. - Carrie Fisher Quotes
As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
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There is a great need for a sarcasm font. - Darynda Jones Quotes
There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
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If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.
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About time," Christian said. "Lissa and Adrian get the market share on worrying about you, but they're not the only ones. And someone needs to put Adrian in his place, you know. I can't do it all the time." "Thanks. It kills me to say this, but I missed you too. No one's sarcasm compares to yours in Russia.
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Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious. - William Feather Quotes
Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.
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The arrow always tipped with ill nature and sarcasm is deadliest to him who sends it. - Prentice Mulford Quotes
The arrow always tipped with ill nature and sarcasm is deadliest to him who sends it.
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Malachi scowled. "I don't remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane." "They didn't," Magnus said. "Your wards are down." "Really?" the Consul's voice dripped sarcasm. "I hadn't noticed." Magnus looked concerned. "That's terrible. Someone should have told you." He glanced at Luke. "Tell him the wards are down.
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Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. - Milton Friedman Quotes
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
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History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history. - Clarence Darrow Quotes
History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history.
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It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.
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The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name. - Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes
The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name.
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The 100% American is 99% idiot. - George Bernard Shaw Quotes
The 100% American is 99% idiot.
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There are more bad musicians than there is bad music. - Isaac Stern Quotes
There are more bad musicians than there is bad music.
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Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
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The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer. - Victor Borge Quotes
The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
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It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.
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Humor does not include sarcasm, invalid irony, sardonicism, innuendo, or any other form of cruelty. When these things are raised to a high point they can become wit, but unlike the French and the English, we have not been much good at wit since the days of Benjamin Franklin.
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Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
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Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor but the highest form of flattery. - Benjamin Franklin Quotes
Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor but the highest form of flattery.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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A good listener is usually thinking about something else. - Kin Hubbard Quotes
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
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A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
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From a private gentlewoman you have made me first a marchioness, then a queen; and, as you can raise me no higher in the world, you are now sending me to be a saint in Heaven.
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Having the critics praise you is like having the hangman say you've got a pretty neck. - Eli Wallach Quotes
Having the critics praise you is like having the hangman say you've got a pretty neck.
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I'd love to start some movements. What I'm tired of is irony, and sarcasm, and music/movies/what have you, not having the guts to mean anything.
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Sarcasm is not the rapier of wit its wielders seem to believe it to be, but merely a club: it may, by dint of brute force, occasionally raise bruises, but it never cuts or pierces.
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Some people approach every problem with an open mouth.
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I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. - Eddie Izzard Quotes
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
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The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. - Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes
The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
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Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.
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He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. - William Faulkner Quotes
He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
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Remember the poor, it costs nothing.
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Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. - Mark Twain Quotes
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
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Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt.
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When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. - Eric Hoffer Quotes
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
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Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.
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People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. - Ogden Nash Quotes
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
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My natural-born sarcasm, when it's unimpeded, can be a bit overbearing at times and I'm the first to admit that.
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"There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the table and swinging his legs. "The most obvious is that you must never let them see that you want them. It should be pure condescension on your part seeing them at all; and the more difficulties you throw in the way of it, the more they think of it. Break your patients in early, and keep them well to heel."
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Yet, I didn't understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you.
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There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.
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The more repression there is, the more need there is for irreverence toward those who are responsible for that repression. But too often sarcasm passes for irony, name-calling passes for insight, bleeped-out four-letter words pass for wit, and lowest-common-denominator jokes pass for analysis. Satire should have a point of view. It doesn't have to get a belly laugh. It does have to present criticism.
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Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. - Mark Twain Quotes
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
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Sarcasm is when you tell someone the truth by lying on purpose.
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Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.
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Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.
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It's strange that men should take up crime when there are so many legal ways to be dishonest.
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The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
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"Dr. Munro, sir," said he, "I am a walking museum. You could fit what ISN'T the matter with me on to the back of a -- visiting card. If there's any complaint you want to make a special study of, just you come to me, sir, and see what I can do for you. It's not every one that can say that he has had cholera three times, and cured himself by living on red pepper and brandy."
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