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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. - John F. Kennedy Quotes
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. - A. A. Milne Quotes
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese - Steven Wright Quotes
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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Silence is argument carried out by other means. - Che Guevara Quotes
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
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A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both. - Dwight D. Eisenhower Quotes
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
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The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. - Winston Churchill Quotes
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
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Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and Senators and Congressmen and Government officials but the voters of this country.
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If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you. - Oscar Wilde Quotes
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
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There are no facts, only interpretations. - Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes
There are no facts, only interpretations.
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. - Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
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A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest
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I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed! - William Shakespeare Quotes
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!
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All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
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Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish - Chevy Chase Quotes
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. - Edmund Burke Quotes
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
970
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Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. - John Barrymore Quotes
Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
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If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else. - Ann Landers Quotes
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. - George Carlin Quotes
Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. - Steven Wright Quotes
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing. - Wernher von Braun Quotes
Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.
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The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
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After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.' - William S. Burroughs Quotes
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.'
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We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. - George Bernard Shaw Quotes
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
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In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. - George Carlin Quotes
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live. - Jean-Paul Sartre Quotes
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
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If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
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Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.
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The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk. - Dustin Hoffman Quotes
The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk.
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The naked truth is always better than the best-dressed lie. - Ann Landers Quotes
The naked truth is always better than the best-dressed lie.
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Don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem! - Lauryn Hill Quotes
Don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem!
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx Quotes
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. - Billy Connolly Quotes
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
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When you realize the value of all life, you dwell less on what is past and concentrate more on the preservation of the future.
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You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else. - Winston Churchill Quotes
You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.
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Most women defend themselves. It is the female of the species-it is the tigress and lioness in you which tends to defend when attacked.
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If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out. - Lawrence Ferlinghetti Quotes
If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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People who live in an age of corruption are witty and slanderous; they know that there are other kinds of murder than by dagger or assault; they also know that whatever is well said is believed.
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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. - Aristotle Onassis Quotes
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. - George Carlin Quotes
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap. - Mitch Hedberg Quotes
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
162
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Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. - Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes
Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
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My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there. - Carrie Fisher Quotes
My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there.
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Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.
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I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.
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Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. - Laurence J. Peter Quotes
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
603
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Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. - Ernest Hemingway Quotes
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
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Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
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Common sense is not so common. - Voltaire Quotes
Common sense is not so common.
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If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth Quotes
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
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You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong Quotes
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
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A zebra does not change its spots. - Al Gore Quotes
A zebra does not change its spots.
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Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Quotes
Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.
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I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
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Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns Quotes
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? - George Carlin Quotes
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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Each problem that I solved became a rule, which served afterwards to solve other problems. - Rene Descartes Quotes
Each problem that I solved became a rule, which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler. - Albert Einstein Quotes
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique, and not too much imagination. - Christopher Isherwood Quotes
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique, and not too much imagination.
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We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction. - Douglas MacArthur Quotes
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction.
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Why do they call it
Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?
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I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. - Robin Williams Quotes
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
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Every two years the American politics industry fills the airwaves with the most virulent, scurrilous, wall-to-wall character assassination of nearly every political practitioner in the country - and then declares itself puzzled that America has lost trust in its politicians.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner Quotes
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided. - Mae West Quotes
Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.
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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman Quotes
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
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C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole leg off.
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung Quotes
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
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A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours. - Ronald Reagan Quotes
A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours.
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People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. - Emo Philips Quotes
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. - Jim Davis Quotes
Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
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The time to relax is when you don't have time for it. - Sydney J. Harris Quotes
The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. - W. C. Fields Quotes
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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